An alarming trend towards normal continues, Michael fears the Americans will steal his baby pictures, and we learn why a bigger hard disk isn’t necessarily better.

What has happened to me? For 14 years I built my own PCs , then over the course of a summer, found myself the owner of two Hewlett Packard machines — one bought at Staples Business Depot, no less. So, when it came time to replace a resurrected donated laptop (renamed Lazarus – thanks, Kim!), I knew I had to experience the purchase the way non-geeks do. I bought it sight unseen off the Internet.

Dell Inspiron Mini 12 manages to be small, but not feel cramped

The Dell Inspiron Mini 12 netbook appeared to be more reasonable than its smaller cousins (and has the screen real estate necessary to actually enjoy reading websites), so off to Dell’s website I went. What surprised me more than the 13 pages of configuration options (most were unnecessary “accessories” like digital cameras, routers, and what appeared to be marital aids) was the fact that, only after I hit the “buy” confirmation button, did I find out it’d take two freakin’ weeks for delivery.

When you’re accustomed to online shopping, you’re accustomed to an entry on the product page indicating that it’s outta stock. There’s a marketing case study waiting to happen: I wouldn’t have made the purchase had I known I’d have to wait two weeks. People in-the-know told me it was because the Netbook is the hottest selling thing going these days. So I called the Dell number listed in my confirmation email.

The backlash from American jobs being outsourced had apparently hit Dell hard — I’m told the company stopped outsourcing technical support, but customer support and sales calls were still the victim of the cost savings that come with routing calls to developing nations. Despite being in the business of listening, I could only understand every other word. The ones I did understand included “holiday”, “popular” and “Jello.” When a company doesn’t even have your money yet, you’d think they’d splurge on making themselves well understood. I still don’t know why “Hank” was offering me Jello, however.

Does not contain Jello

Cost cutting has apparently hit Dell’s marketing department, too. The shipping box was the box. The days of glossy boxes with fancy graphics jammed with marketing fluff and extraneous accessories is over.

Netbook defined: 5lbs of All You Need to Look Like that Douchebag at Starbucks

The simple shipping box contained only the Mini 12, a shrink wrapped manual in a format reminiscent of those fundamentalist Christian Jack Chick books, the power adapter and some CDs labeled “you already have this on your computer” — which means you can conveniently lose the disks somewhere in your house. Don’t worry, once you find them you’ll realise that since the damned thing doesn’t have a CD-drive, you won’t be using them anyway. Also conspicuously absent from the shipping box: Jello.

A “Netbook” is not a laptop. It’s a laptop with all the extra crap torn out. Not only is it CD drive-free (seriously, when was the last time you used yours?) there are no upgrade slots. No second battery compartment. All you’ve got is a small screen, small keyboard and an ego inversely related to the size of your screen. It’s just about 5lbs of All You Need to Look Like that Douchebag at Starbucks. And I think it’s perfect.

Dell shows its contempt for punctuation with the Mini 12's keyboard layout

The keyboard, moreso than its underpowered processor, is the Achilles heel. The punctuation keys are smaller than the rest, and you find yourself having to put extra effort into not making mistakes. I’m writing this article on it, and it’s going to take some getting used to. This is not a typing intensive machine. But for the casual use, like vacations or when your spouse is hogging the home computer, it’s perfect for checking email, websites and such. Exactly what a “Netbook” sounds like.

While the dirt cheap price is one of the attractive points in a Netbook’s favour, I opted to spend the extra bucks. First, I paid an extra $50 to downgrade from Vista to Windows XP.Vista is a resource hog, and a 1.3ghz machine with only 1GB of RAM will likely wimper at the thought of running it. While this isn’t the fastest machine going, it’s just fine for the Internet intensive work you do these days on a laptop. I mean, really, how powerful must your machine be to update your Facebook status and watch dumbass kids break their necks on Skateboard Stunts Gone Wrong?

I also got the more powerful battery because I hate running out of juice.

But I think I may have made a mistake going for the 80GB drive instead of the standard 60GB. After spending the night transferring all my photos, music, and baby photos over to the new machine, it occured to me: I forgot about the Americans.

With no intended irony, George W. Bush, speaking at the foot of Mount Rushmore, authorized warrantless search and seizure of laptops and cellphones for anyone entering the Untied States

The Logitech device that is "suggested" by Dell looks like a great option: the wireless dongle that sticks out of the USB port is tiny, not the horizontal monolith associated with most wireless mice.

Thanks to the U.S. President everyone loves to hate, American border guards and Transportation Safety Administration security droids now have the power to confiscate your computer (and cellphone, for that matter) and copy the contents. While photos of my daughter aren’t evidence of my obvious connections to Osama Bin Laden, I still don’t want them to have access to my personal files — and seeing as this is a travel laptop, there’s a good chance my smart ass is going to get me sent behind a curtain some day with a burly guard named “Jim” who has a penchant for slim men, latex gloves, and videos of 2 year olds clearly pooping their pants despite protestations to the contrary. So I wiped my personal data off the hard disk and now have more storage than I know what to do with.

Perhaps the most important part of spending north of $700 on a laptop is the Spousal Approval Factor. My Lovely & Talented Wife sent me this email this morning:

Good laptop purchase, babe

She likes it. She really likes it. Now if only I could an get her to reconcile with another Great but Unnecessary gadget in the Hainsworth household: the meddlesome GPS unit.

Link: Dell Inspiron Mini 12 Technical Specifications